rene.sheltonhttps://reneshelton.wordpress.comA simple woman asking simple questions, making simple observations, and working to make and keep things intentionally simple. Life doesn’t have to be hard and complicated.
The original Greek definition of dogma is “something that seems true.” Dogmas are opinions and beliefs that are accepted as truth, without question.
Who said, “Come now, let us reason together?” Who is not afraid of asked questions? Who sits with us and patiently answers all of them?
If we want truth, we cannot simply accept words, phrases, thoughts, ideas, feelings, actions, or narratives without taking a closer look at them. Let’s be brave enough to respectfully ask questions that get to the heart of issues and the truth of the matter. Let’s be courageous enough to have ears to hear.
. . . if we worked to communicate clearly with kindness?
. . . if we built a common vocabulary with shared definitions, so we know we are talking about the same thing? Would that reduce our miscommunication and confusion?
. . . if we agreed with all that we could and respectfully disagreed with only what we must?
. . . if we shared our message clearly and in ways to help others hear what we have to say, inviting them to join us in conversation?
. . . if we responded politely without ridiculing or being condescending when we recognize others don’t understand or when genuine questions for clarification are asked?
. . . if we gave space and time for thoughtful responses? The best solutions to problems come with conversation and collaboration.
. . . if we gave up some of our own headspace so we could listen and learn the perspectives of others, instead of immediately arguing with them, out loud or in our heads?
. . . if we allowed for thinking by creating some silences in the conversation. When we need to think, we say, “Let me think about that just a minute.” When we want to give time to think, we say, “Don’t answer now. Just think about it a bit.” Then, we all stop and take a think.
. . . if we remembered the goal of communication should be mutual understanding so together we can build a better future together?
. . . if we engaged our minds before we wagged our tongues?
. . . if we looked for the good first and concentrated on it?
. . . if we recognized the wonderful uniqueness each of us possesses and with curiosity seek to understand each other and work together?
Thoughts – What do I do? What if this causes more problems? What if this causes me problems? What if I get hurt? Can I really help?
Goals – I need to listen. I need to understand. I need to stay calm. I have nothing to add. I don’t want to get involved.
Questions – What do I have to add to the situation? How can I help create change? How will my actions be interpreted?
We never know what causes someone to be silent until we sit down and have a respectful, peaceful conversation with them.
If we believe someone disagrees with us, let’s ask, “Tell me what you are thinking and feeling.” Build a bridge toward them, walk out into the middle of it, and listen respectfully. The other one just might come meet us. Sit down in the middle of that bridge and listen, learn, and share. We don’t have to see things eye-to-eye, but if we want to solve a problem, we must understand the other side.
If we believe someone agrees with us, let’s ask, “Tell me what you are thinking and feeling.” Sit down side-by-side and listen, learn, and share. It is possible their silence reflects something altogether different than we thought. We don’t have to see things eye-to-eye, but if we want partners, we must understand the one beside us.
When we are invited into a conversation with “Tell me what you are thinking and feeling,” let’s be brave enough to risk giving an honest answer in a respectful manner. Let’s believe that the statement is a start at having respectful conversations. If later, we find that’s not true, we can always return to our silence.
Over the course of three hours last night, I watched as two Facebook groups deteriorated into online shouting matches – one related to the pandemic and the other related to racism. It mirrors what we’ve been watching in the news the last several months. Everyone had an opinion, but no one was listening – unless there was blaming, shaming, and name-calling involved. What makes listening so difficult to do?
We talk all the time, but we forget communicating is a complicated, on-going, repetitive, two-way process. To do it well, the skills of listening well and speaking clearly with kindness must be practiced. Here’s what I’ve learned.
To listen well, I
Suspend my focus on my experience and message to hear, recognize, and understand the experiences and messages of others
Build a common vocabulary with shared meanings for the same words, symbols, and actions. I do not have to agree with the meanings, but I must understand them.
Build trust with respect and kindness
Find common shared experiences, even if the perception of them differs
Regularly ask for clarification when I don’t understand
Regularly check for understanding to ensure I’m on the right path
Wait politely while emotions are high or logic and respect are low
(when all I have are words) Read as if the writer is open for discussion
What do you think? What needs to be added? What needs to be changed?
I tend to sit, listen and watch before I share. I’m just that way. I’ve been watching, listening, and learning.
Lessons Learned the first week of June 2020
1. There is good and bad in the world and it is always recognizable by its actions and often recognized by its words and tone.
2. When good happens, it is important to take note. Because the world needs more good.
3. When bad happens, it is important to take note and take appropriate action.
4. Everyone needs room to grow and change. No one is completely bad and no one is completely good.
5. It is important not to stand and watch disrespectful chaos happen, especially if it is potentially life-threatening.
We can’t change the past, but we can change the future. And I can’t change the world, but I can take responsibility for myself and my own actions.
Therefore,
1. I will pray for courage and wisdom and then step into the fray. Because waiting for someone else to step up is cowardly.
2. I will listen first to my fellow human beings so we can build a common vocabulary. That’s needed for meaningful communication.
3. I may not agree with everything I hear, but I will remember that perspective is reality. And until I understand theirs, I cannot effectively help.
4. I will ask more questions.
5. I will help those I meet – regardless, because when I needed help, HE helped me. I will be His hands and feet.
6. There may be those I meet who don’t want to hear about Him, so I will live my life as a witness until they ask.
7. I will be gentle and compassionate. I will extend mercy. I will speak truth in love – because love facilitates relationship and truth allows for problem-solving.
What do You want me to know about why you created me?
My precious child,
You are as unique as each sunrise in the morning and each sunset in the evening. I have grand adventures for you. I created you for eternal things. I love you.
Often eternal things seem routine or mundane, because those are the things you were made to do. Don’t discount your work because it seems insignificant. Be faithful in the simple things and listen for My delight as you obey.
Sometimes eternal things are hard or scary. When they are, talk to Me. I will give you what you need. Sometimes I give courage and peace and hope. Sometimes a new perspective comes to mind. That’s from me. Often I refocus your vision so your faith sees beyond what your natural eye sees. Run to me when you need renewal.
When you stumble or fail, call to Me. I will help you up and help you look honestly at what happened. I will help you admit your errors and your weaknesses without condemning you. Ask for My grace and seek forgiveness from those you have hurt. Forgive yourself and learn the lesson and grow. Let’s dust you off and let’s walk on together.
Eternal things often don’t reveal themselves in the moment. Keep talking to Me so you don’t miss eternal opportunities.
reneshelton 